Book Review Fridays- Crucial Conversations- Tools for talking when stakes are high

Okay so this wasn't the best of self-help books, but it does what it says- it helps you navigate through "crucial conversations."  The writing style is easy to grasp, and reading seems more like an instruction manual rather than a smooth read.

Usually, I'm not too keen on these types of books, but I was handed this to read by my old boss. My boss! He had said this helped him in his career and home-life, and perhaps I could find the same benefit?

 I left it on my bookshelf for a very long time feeling this was a useless book. Maybe he thought, we weren't seeing eye to eye. I later found out, it was because he thought I could improve my communication skills.  Well Mr., It's not like a book can teach me how to converse correctly.

A year after when I finally left the job (we moved), I picked up this book again. I was looking for something to do while feeding my little one. I had already tapped out my collection at home, and this book was just staring me in the face. Begrudgingly, it began.

So, it can't teach you to talk right, but it can help you get in the right frame of mind for when you really need to get the words out. You can apply it to almost any situation in which you may find emotionally trying, doesn't have to be in a professional setting.

 Surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I got through it pretty quickly. Skimming helped a lot because it was repetitive at times.

It provides structure, and guidance on staying cool in the moment, and choosing the right words to deliver our message.

I actually have applied some of the concepts such as what is discussed in chapters 3, and 6. Chapter  3 is about staying focused on what your intended goal from the conversation is. Chapter 6 is helping the other person in the conversation stay involved. This way you can really have a two way conversation. I cannot say what a huge help that has been. I now modify my words depending on the situation and person. I can honestly say it works. Not like magic though, you just have to keep the book as a frame of reference in mind.

Overall, my giving this read a chance turned out to be a pleasant surprise.

Score- 3.5 out 5

If you would like to read this book, you can purchase it here at Amazon.com

Book Review Fridays- The Giver

   

  I had read this book as part of my required reading in middle school, and had since forgotten about it. It's been quite some time since then. When I found out recently that it was being turned into movie, I decided to revisit a childhood memory. Come to think of it, I don't really think I grasped any of the concepts in the book in my initial read. I could not for the life of me figure out what was going on, and why this society lived the way they did.

    Fast forward to now, The Giver  by Lois Lowry definitely was easier to understand than when I last handled these words over a decade ago. It's science-fiction story for young adults, but I think it enjoyable for any age, or maybe I am just saying that make me feel better. 

    The book opens with a description of a black and white strict society bound by rules that dictate a majority of everyday life. Milestones such as birth, marriage, life path are all pre-determined.  These rules are set by the elders of the community. To date, no one has challenged this - that is until Jonas arrives. No, I am not talking about Joe Jonas. Although, that would be nice to see him play the character of Jonas in the movie... or would it? Probably not

Anyway,

 Jonas (the main character) is unable to adjust after he receives some knowledge about his society's past memories. His role in life is to become the "receiver of memories," and the person that held that position previously is about to retire as he has aged now is called the "giver."
So that is who that old man on the cover of the book is. In middle school, I thought it was Jonas in the future or something.

His knowledge of memories opens him up to his society's past, where there was color, less censorship, and individuality.  The current world he lives in requires everything to be the same.

    What he once knows begins to crumble, and he and the Giver decide the society needs their memories back in order to restore the previous way of life. I am guessing they figured out living in black and white is not fun. The only way this can happen is for Jonas to leave the community. His leaving will allow the memories to disseminate across his people. 

    I've always wondered what it would be like to live in a Utopian society, although this seems more of what I'd imagine a communist society to be like. It also reminds of that movie with Reese Witherspoon where everything is in black and white. I can't think of the title.. starts with the letter P.  When I think Utopia, I think colorful, fun, and get reminded of those Fruitopia commercials a few years back, (remember those?). Maybe the description should be changed to utilitarian society, and not Utopian society?

Either way it's a pretty interesting topic that is discussed in the book. Something new, and different. It's definitely worth a read. If you do end up reading it, tell me what you thought of it. 

Score- 4.6 out of 5

If you would like to purchase the book using Amazon.com you can use this link

Book Review Fridays- Nudge

I read this book while I was completing my Master's degree (required reading) , and have since have kept it on hand to refer back to from time to time. Nudge by Richard Thaler, and Cass Sunstein is a highly informative read. Although, I must offer a note of caution- it is a somewhat dense read. If you are wanting a breezy read, this is not the book you would want to pick out. It is, however, a pick for those days you want some food for thought. So bear this in mind when reading.

The book challenges that humans are making the common mistakes as a result of the social contract we adhere to... in other words - that we all follow a trend based on our predecessors on a large scale. We make the same mistakes, and continue to do so without realizing. The "nudge" part indicates that we should actively think about the decisions we are making, and work to move away from auto decision-making mode, and into a more active thinking mode to improve our lives. It further provides evidence of this theory by citing several studies that have recorded instances of humans commonly using biases, and backgrounds as their basis to make decisions.

My only challenge to this notion would be that if we are a result of our experiences, how can we make conscious decisions that go against the very thread of how we understand the world around us? We understand things through examples of our parents, and our life happenings. If not this, than what? Where do we get information different from our predecessors? Were they not in the same conditions (I mean the "human condition") we were in? This was my only concern when thinking about applying this book to reality. Who knows? - maybe you'll find the answer when you read the book.

Overall, I think it very similar to Blink by Malcolm Gladwell, you can check-out my review here, but has a more scientific tone, and a more serious message. I think with constant re-reading and understanding I might truly be able to make better decisions about "health, wealth, and happiness," but I'm sure changing thought processes can take a while.

Score- 4.8 out of 5

If you are ready to pick your brain, you can use this link to Amazon.com here

Book Review Fridays- She's Come Undone

Okay, I'll admit I wanted to read the book after seeing the cover.  Luckily, the adage of judging a book on its cover led to a positive discovery because this was indeed a good read. If looks aren't your thing, or you're just not the believing kind, She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb comes recommended in the Oprah Book Club, and is a New York Times Bestseller. 

It's a thought-provoking adventure of a woman's journey to be at peace with herself. She deals with neglect, sexual abuse, obesity, and emotional trauma. That's a lot for one person to deal with! The book opens with our main character Dolores Price dealing with her Dad's affair with another women, and leaving her mother. This serves as a root cause for the issues that lie ahead. Immediately, this evokes the readers emotions; especially the case if some themes are close to heart. 

And, that's the hook. You're in for the read. 

However, in this case, I was in for the read. 

Dolores is an incredibly complex woman, and completely relate-able. I find this especially true for young women yearning to find themselves. She falls in love with a man for all the wrong reasons (who hasn't done this?), marries, and is forced by her husband to have an abortion. The resentment she feels from this causes her to reexamine her life as she then realizes that she cannot run her life based on someone else's goals. This is the turning point in her life. She leaves her husband, and begins to focus on herself. She is able to turn her life around. Life is further bliss when she finally meets a man she can trust. The story ends at this point as Dolores resolves that she is at peace with herself. 

Of course, this is a very brief synopsis of the story, and actually reading through it is a lot more fun! I think it's worth the time, and offers a good lesson:  It takes time to find yourself. It also gives a positive outcome for a woman dealing with many troubling issues, and who doesn't like that?

If you would like to read this book, you can follow the link to buy it here

Score: 3.7 out of 5

Book Review Fridays- The Sea and Poison

If you're into dark books that delve into the psyche of Japanese surgeons, well, this here is your winner! Overall, the writing style is excellent. The author conveys his message in a subtle way that doesn't really leave you with an exact answer. You can't exactly pinpoint an antagonist because Endo explains there is such complexity in our thoughts and actions when put under pressure.

The story revolves around two main characters, a prominent surgeon, Toda, and a medical intern Suguro. The setting is in a hospital during World War II where American prisoners are held and taken for vivisection. In other words they are used as human test subjects while being alive. Eek! That being said, there are some gruesome themes that caused me to wiggle in my seat a little, but rest assured it all ties into the message of the book.

So what is the message you ask? basically these are run of the mill surgeons being offered money, and experience to perform surgeries during wartime.  These surgeons fully understand what they are doing is immoral, but the alternative means not feeding their own families. This juxtaposition is felt by all the characters involved. They express guilt, vulnerability, and fear all while doing their "duty."

It's scary for anyone to be in such a situation, so it's hard to really hate these characters. This notion that humans are infinitely complex is very intriguing to me thus the huge draw to read the book. Yes, it's dark but very satisfying. I don't think you'll be disappointed.

If you would like to read it you can use this link to buy it here.

Score- 3.9 out of 5

(Above image from Goodreads.com)

Book Review Fridays- Blink

Malcolm Gladwell writes a poignant book on decision-making and self-awareness. I read Blink, and couldn't put it down until I was finished. I can't tell you how helpful this makes understanding our intrinsic know how. It teaches you to hone in on your instincts, and ultimately trust them. These are concepts that we generally already know, but sometimes lack the understanding behind. It encourages using our powers of rapid cognition other wise known as our subconscious.

Gladwell gives anecdotal stories, and examples to illustrate his points which makes grasping concepts that seem complicated a lot easier. The stories are completely relatable. The words flow easily, making a somewhat "heavy" topic  a breeze to read.

 It seems repetitive at times, but not to its detriment. I find that the repetition of the message after the end of every example drives home the lessons to be learned. Often times you finish a book and wonder what the lesson or purpose was; this is not the case with Blink.

The most important take-away is learning to rely on snap judgments. This was described as first impressions. Apparently they really are crucial in our assessments. Gladwell emphasizes that focusing on this can reduce mistakes in organizations, improve test taking, and help decision making.

Overall, it's a good read in the non-fiction world. There are useful tools to improve thinking "without thinking." I would definitely recommend this not only to read, but have around to go back to for a refresher.

If you'd like to read it, you can follow this link to buy it here


Score- 4 out of 5

Book Review Fridays- Three Cups of Tea

I really, really wanted to love this book. The idea, and the message just seemed very noble in its own right. Who doesn't love the idea of a man coming to climb a mountain, getting inspired, and then spending the next years of his life building schools for underprivileged children in a third-world country? That was the draw for me. I wish I was Greg Mortenson. I wish I could have built schools for children, especially for girls that didn't have access to public education. This was my chance to be a vicarious altruist. 

Sadly, that didn't happen.

The writing style is more like an essay than a story. I never felt swept away at any part of this book. I kept waiting for that moment when I would connect, it never came. The content is rich, the descriptions are thorough, but I feel the heart is not there. The story-telling is very vanilla. The focus was very much on Mortenson rather than the work that he was doing. His pretentiousness overshadowed most of his interactions with the townspeople.

So is there anything good about this book? Yes, there are some redeeming qualities in the book. One of my favorite parts is when Greg is sharing the yak tea with Haji Ali.  That chapter brought to life deep characters with thoughtful reflections.

The scandal that has overcome this book was also something that was in the back of my mind while I was reading. I kept wondering if I was reading a fictional story. Whether or not Mortenson truly helped those girls, we will never know for sure.

Overall, the message is positive, but execution was off-point.

Score- 2.5 out of 5