One more go on the Merry-go-round

So, we found out we are expecting baby number 2 this week. It was kind of unexpected. It's not that it happened out of the blue, but I also didn't expect it to happen so soon since took us a while with our first one. I assumed that original waiting period must be the norm. This brought up some mixed emotions. Am I ready for this? is this the right time to have another baby? ( although, it doesn't matter now) Will my housework double? What will happen to my career? It was one question after another. I fought back tears as these questions played out in my mind.

I'm just scared. Scared, of the changes that lie ahead. I felt the same type of anxiety before I got married. The feeling that things will never be the same. The feeling that I am not responsible for only myself. The feeling that I must plan out once impromptu trips.The feeling that I might lose myself in the process of becoming a Mom again.

As a point of clarification, I love being a mom. It has been an incredible experience. I am 7 months postpartum, so things are calming down a little. I am no longer operating on 3 hours of sleep. I don't miss pumping every 3 hours, even in the middle of the night. I sure as heck like having the ability to walk without some sprays of Dermoplast in my private parts. Finally, I can walk past a mirror, and not be afraid of my reflection. 

 The addition of a child into the fold is an overwhelming experience. I can't say whether having two is different than one. I don't know if there are different struggles than with one. I just know life is changing once again. 

 Then again, I couldn't expect things to stay the same forever. If they did, I would complain that nothing new happens in my life. Maybe it's human nature to be cautious of the unknown.  Who knows?

But, this is what I do know: Change is inevitable. I must embrace it, rather than be afraid.  I try to remind myself of this truth. However, these are just words. I can tell myself, but feeling them; living them is what actually matters.

I am learning through my experiences everyday. This is my chance to make the most of it. I can choose how I want to look at the situation. 

So, I have assessed: I am happy to experience pregnancy once again, and look forward to another little person entering my world.  My only hope is that I can be a good role-model, and friend. 

 Raising a child is truly a labor of love. A lot of hard work goes in, but yields so much back in unconditional love. You can trade in all of the unsavory moments for a snuggle, a tooth-less smile, and a tiny hand gripping yours. In those moments, it's pure bliss.  Those are the moments I will cherish forever.