July 7, 2014

What do you plan to do with your life?

The other day my mom and I were out shopping. A family friend saw us, and we were flagged her down. After a brief update of each others lives, she turns to me asks: what have to you been up to? have you gone back to work? Raising kids? another one on the way? Boy, that was quick! ( as she chuckles) So, what are you planning to do in the future?

First of all, I'll take one question at a time. Second, I haven't given all these questions much deep thought to fire off answers on the spot, at the grocery store none the less.

So, in that brief moment, I self-reflected. I thought about she wanted to know. She essentially wants to know what I plan to do with the rest of my life.

I don't know myself, lady. I'm just taking it one day at a time. But, I had to have a response. So, I smiled and stammered out; I'm just taking some time off to raise my baby. I don't know the exact plans for the future yet.

This seemed to suffice her appetite for questions.

The encounter was over, but a glaring question that was posed was still weighing on my mind. What did I plan to do in the future? What did I plan to do with the rest of my life? I began to feel anxious because I honestly don't know!

Right now, I just plan on taking care of my daughter until she's ready for school. I want to pop out baby number two in October. At that time take care of two instead of one. So basically, I want to live in a familial setting for the next 2-3 years. I've got that covered.

But... then what?

Will someone still hire me 4 years after being out of the workforce?
Will I even want to work at that time?
Will I be ready to move the focus back to myself?
Will I be able to maintain a career?

This leads me to another question-  how long can you plan for with life? 2 years? 1 year? a month?

With so much unpredictability, it's hard to plan out more than a week in my opinion!

As these thoughts swirled in my mind, I felt like I was going to have a full blown anxiety attack. I felt nauseous because I don't like thinking about stuff like this.

I don't know if this is a normal reaction to such questions.

Maybe I just think too much

and care too much about other people think

but I needed something, stat!

I decided to eat cookies by the pound at Whole Foods to drown out the anxiety. Which, by the way, was an EXCELLENT idea, and soon all my worries were gone. I don't recommend this all the time, but once in a while I think food can be therapy.

you know what? I felt a little better. Cookies didn't solve my problems, but rather helped me put things into perspective. Live in the moment!

So, I may not have life's big questions answered but, I think that's okay.

 Let's just take it one day at a time.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

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